Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
