i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize