I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
