Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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