so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
MIDGETS
????
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
