i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
