Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
