You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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