dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
