she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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