We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
