Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
