Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize