help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
