absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
