Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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