Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
