All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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