Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I know her cup size but not her name....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
