I'm drive I can fine osifer
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Randomize
