the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
