You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize