Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
