Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
