yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
