just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
