am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
