every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
