I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
