Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
