i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
