Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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