The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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