At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
