2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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