Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
