I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
