I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
