my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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