how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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