Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize