i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
