Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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