I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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