I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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