Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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