Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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