Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
