There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You are the jesus of drinking
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
