the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
