there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
