I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
