I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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