I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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