Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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