I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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