id be glad to
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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