Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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