we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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