When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
