dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
