I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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