Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
