you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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