I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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