It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
