WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
