When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
