Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
