if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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