we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
