"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
