oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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