I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
