happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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